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I've started playing a game at lunchtime that I find quite compulsive. It's a sort-of guessing game played in the "express queue" of Marks and Spencer. In case you're not familiar with the "express queue" mechanism, it's a system whereby a single queue of customers is serviced by multiple cashiers. In the case of M&S in Oxford Street, there are up to fifteen cashiers during the lunchtime rush. When a cashier becomes vacant (even more than usual), a recorded voice announces their availability, and the next person in the queue is served by them.
The object of the game is simple. When you join the end of the queue, you have to guess which cashier you're going to be served by. How you choose your cashier is completely arbitrary, but it's even more fun if you change your selection criteria each time you play. Then, you spend the rest of your time in the queue willing it on, hoping this person pays with cash, that person with a card (with or without cashback) such that you end up getting served by the cashier you originally guessed. (Or not, as the case may be. In which case you've lost the game. Admittedly, willing people to pay by cash or by card is unlikely to significantly affect the overall outcome, but this has probably yet to be scientifically proven in an extensive series of double-blind tests).
Yesterday, I correctly guessed the cashier I would come to be served by: cashier number fourteen. Today, I played again, bouyed by my previous victory. I was on a roll. I glanced along the available cashiers, and chose number ten. There were about thirty people in front of me, but I was quietly confident. The queue was ticking along nicely - the announcements coming as regularly as granny who's just wobbled her way through a tin of prunes. There were four people in front of me when "cashier number ten, please" was announced. "Excellent!", I thought to myself. "If he pays cash, I'm in with a chance!". I then proceded to watch him take out his wallet and (agonisingly slowly) select a card with which to pay.
"NOOOOOOO!"
I couldn't believe it. Victory ripped to shreds with the swipe of a single Visa Delta.
As I'm sure you're all painfully aware, paying by card always takes eons longer than with cold, hard cash. There's so much more that can go wrong; how long will the card take to validate? How long will it take to convince the assistant that yes, that really is your signature? Everything. Surely, I'd have been served before he'd even managed to torturously squiggle his name at the bottom of the receipt?
There were only three people in front of me now, and about twelve cashiers serving... I was facing impossible odds, I was certain. Yet something miraculous happened. The cashiers slowed, time seemed to be passing less quickly... Cashier number four, please......... Cashier number eight, please......... Cashier number six, please...... I looked up. The bastard with the credit card was walking away! He'd paid! I couldn't believe it! For what seemed like an eternity, a silence hung in the air. My mind was racing. Would I be denied by a cashier number three at the last possible moment?
"Cashier number ten, please".
YEEEESSSS!
I can honestly say I've never been happier to pay for my lunch.